This has been a tough week. An emotional roller coaster and a confirmation of my faith in God and His plan for each of us.

Grief:

A dear friend had to let her son go this week, Joaquin was only 4 but an old soul. He has taught so many how to be strong, faithful and is a light in my life. After complication from his third open heart surgery, Joaquin is running and dancing with Jesus. You can stay up to date with Christie’s blog here: http://abeautifulwreck.com/

This loss has been so very hard, so many tears and heart ache, you know that feeling of actual pain in your heart? Yeah that much pain! I know it’s not about me or my feelings but it’s hard as a heart mom to not think about yourself in that position. Just because I am sensitive and empathetic doesn’t mean I have doubt in God. I don’t. I know with my head that Joaquin is safe in the arms of Jesus, his heart is whole and his pain is gone. I am thankful for that. I am allowed to mourn the loss of him though, don’t mistake my tears for weakness.

 

MRI:

Trevor has his MRI on Thursday October 10th at 12:30, he will be fully sedated with a breathing tube and it will take two hours. Please keep him in your prayers. Anytime he needs anesthesia I get anxious. I am more concerned about the results of this MRI. Trevor is getting to the age of understanding and expressing fear about surgery and is adamant about taking his medicine each morning. He is so young and should not have to know about these things.

 

My Heart:

I am evermore passionate about CHD research and the technology breakthroughs coming in Trevor’s lifetime. I will never stop advocating for all kids affected by congenital heart defects, it’s my calling.  My heart sometimes feels like it can’t take much more and God proves me wrong each time. It aches when my sweet baby boy needs tests, when we- the CHD community loses a child, when I comfort Nicholas because he’s worried about Trevor. especially when I comfort my Trevor because he’s scared and doesn’t  want to see any doctor, he has a list of questions he asked me every time we have any type of appointment. My heart also fills with love and joy with every CHD victory, with each compassionate deed my boys do with out being asked, with being part of The Children’s Heart Foundation., with the out-pour of love and prayers when I ask for prayer Trevor or any child with CHD. When I see the joy and purity on my boys’ faces.

 

And every tear I’ve cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Casting Crowns

 

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1 Comment on Grief, MRI and My Heart

  1. Rachel says:

    Heart hugs<3

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